— So you’ve finally made plans to meet that sexy new couple you’ve been chatting with. She seems very hip with her vintage style and 1970’s Farrah Fawcett hair. He’s been flirting non-stop with overt sexual innuendo and unsolicited dick pics, but you chalk it up as nerves or eager excitement.

Drinks at 7. If all goes well, on to the hotel that just happens to be within walking distance (purely coincidental) of the bar. You both take a final glance in the mirror, satisfied that the kids won’t notice mom’s bare nipples playing peek-a-boo in her sheer “going out” dress or the flush in dad’s cheeks from his chemically enhanced super-libido. This date has been weeks in the making. Your schedules have finally aligned and the Gods have rewarded your patience with a (mostly) responsible, but more importantly, available babysitter. You throw money at the sitter for pizza and tell the kids to behave as you run out the door.

Pulling up to the bar two minutes early, you grin at each other in anticipation of meeting new LS friends. The nervous excitement makes you both feel like teenagers again. A text message buzzes on your phone. They’ve arrived early and are waiting for you inside. You step out into the chilly evening air and mentally prepare yourself for all the possible outcomes (of which, naked, sweaty and laughing is at the top of your list).

As you step into the bar, the doorman tries his best not to stare at the subtle hint of areola that’s visible under your dress (confirming that you had indeed chosen the right outfit for the occasion) and you ignore the disapproving side stare from the woman whose husband seems to have lost his train of thought mid-sentence.

You look around the bar, but don’t see your new friends. Perhaps they’re in the back. Walking the full length of the room, you turn around and slowly scan every table, searching for the Farrah Fawcett hair that matches the picture on your phone. Maybe they went to the other location downtown? As you walk back toward the door, you notice an older couple waving at you from a booth near the front. The closer you get to the booth, the more your hopes for the evening sink.

They both slide out of the booth to greet you and you mentally compare the images on your phone with the sheepishly grinning couple standing in front of you. It’s definitely them. A few pounds heavier, a decade or two older, a little too plump in the cheeks and lips, grinning from the nose down (note to self, cancel botox consultation). You glance at one another and do your best to disguise the disappointment and slight irritation at being duped. These are real people, after all, with real feelings and you were raised to be polite. One drink, some light conversation and you’ll mumble apologies over some made-up emergency that requires your immediate attention at home. —

If you’ve been in the LS for any length of time, you’re likely chuckling at the unfortunate scenario above and mentally comparing it to your own similar experiences. It used to be called the “bait and switch”. The younger generations are calling it “cat-fishing”. I just call it rude and socially unacceptable. The most curious aspect of the entire scenario is, at least for me, trying to imagine intentionally portraying myself as anything other than what I am, with the absolute knowledge that I would be found out the moment my potential “date” laid eyes on me. What could one possibly hope for in response to such as deceit as a first impression?

In general, the foundation of most lifestyle relations is the concept of open and honest communication. It’s supposed to be the realm where we can embrace our innermost desires or put voice to our fears without the concern of being judged or marginalized as a result. In the age of plastic surgery, botox parties, hair implants and the like, there are numerous options for attempting to recapture that youthful appearance. The baby boomer generation seems to have openly embraced this approach. That being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those choices if it makes you feel attractive. However, knowingly misleading LS friends by portraying yourself as something else is shameful and should be left to the vanilla dating world (yes, we mean you, Tinder).

As an alternative, I offer this advice: You are lovely just as you are. There is someone out there who is searching for you and when you connect, it will be magical. There is something very attractive about those who have learned how to age with grace. Attraction extends FAR beyond the physical appeal and the real treasure (the stuff that will actually get you laid) is the depth of your charming character.

For me, the irony in all of this is that of the couples I’ve met who I felt intentionally misled me, I would likely have enjoyed their company had they not broken my trust.

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Get tested, play safe, and stay sexy. Happy hunting.

PROFILE TIP: When posting pictures to your profile, consider including a date on each one so that those who choose to contact you based on that image will know what to expect. There are numerous apps out there that will allow you to add text to your photos. If you want to get really fancy, you could even create a watermark with your profile ID and date. Curious how this is done? Send me a note and I’ll be happy to point you in the right direction.

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Get tested, play safe, and stay sexy. Happy hunting.