Within the lifestyle, there are certain undeniable truths that not only reflect the vanilla world’s sexual value system, but rather magnify the absurdly disproportionate value of females to males in terms of perceived “worth”.

Before you go getting your underthings in a bunch, let me explain.

Single females, also known as “unicorns”, are the mostly highly valued and sought after members of the lifestyle community. Unfortunately, the pool of single females is extraordinarily small relative to the total population. To complicate matters further, of those available women, it’s likely safe to assume as least 50% are “SINGLE” for a damn good reason (i.e. f*cking nuts). Of that remaining precious 50%, the majority seem to be in a somewhat mature demographic (55+). For those math majors out there, that leaves a minority (less than half) of the precious 50% non-insane, 18-55 year old, single females to choose from. Feeling discouraged yet? You’re not alone…

Now that we’ve established the distressingly dire lack of available unicorns, let’s move across the aisle to the vast ocean of available dick. I’m talking MOUNTAINS of dick. Dicks of every shape, color and size. Want a u-shaped dick? GOT IT! Want a dick that comes with an attached accountant for tax season? GOT THAT TOO!

We got big gnarly, veiny, “How YOU doin?” dicks. We got new dick, and certified pre-owned dick. Are you a fan of international travel? Well, do we have a deal for you!! It’s a buy one, get thirty free, build your own international gang-bang dick pack.

We have SO MUCH available dick that we literally cannot even GIVE IT AWAY! PLEASE, for the love of God, take some free dick! Who knows, maybe your mother-in-law might like some? Take a few for your friends. They make great party gifts….

I know there was a point when I started this article, but in the throws of statistical depression, it escapes me at the moment.

Essentially, it’s this: if you’re a single, non-insane(ish) female, congratulations! The world is your oyster.

If you’re a male, single or attached, my condolences. May the odds be ever in your favor.

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Get tested, play safe, and stay sexy. Happy hunting.