I will never forget the first time I made a woman squirt. She was straddling my face and grinding her womanhood into my mouth with a vigorous enthusiasm. I caught the tell-tale taste of an orgasm on the rise and thrust my tongue as deep inside her as I could reach. Almost immediately, I felt a hot stream of liquid spray into the back of my throat and within seconds had almost filled my mouth. Sheer panic ensued. All at once the following thoughts flew through my mind:
Now that we’ve established the distressingly dire lack of available unicorns, let’s move across the aisle to the vast ocean of available dick. I’m talking MOUNTAINS of dick. Dicks of every shape, color and size. Want a u-shaped dick? GOT IT! Want a dick that comes with an attached accountant for tax season? GOT THAT TOO!
— So you’ve finally made plans to meet that sexy new couple you’ve been chatting with. She seems very hip with her vintage style and 1970’s Farrah Fawcett hair. He’s been flirting non-stop with overt sexual innuendo and unsolicited dick pics, but you chalk it up as nerves or eager excitement.
Drinks at 7. If all goes well, on to the hotel that just happens to be within walking distance (purely coincidental) of the bar. You both take a final glance in the mirror, satisfied that the kids won’t notice mom’s bare nipples playing peek-a-boo in her sheer “going out” dress or the flush in dad’s cheeks from his chemically enhanced super-libido. This date has been weeks in the making. Your schedules have finally aligned and the Gods have rewarded your patience with a (mostly) responsible, but more importantly, available babysitter. You throw money at the sitter for pizza and tell the kids to behave as you run out the door.
If your profile reads to the affect of, “If we don’t respond, take it as our polite way of saying we’re not interested”, you’re an impolite dick. Let’s break this down. This is the equivalent of passing a stranger on the street who says, “Hello, you look beautiful in that dress”, and you pretend not to hear them even though you both know you did. Who does that?! At a minimum, human decency dictates a simple acknowledgement.
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